Do parents with a child on the spectrum have the same experiences as a parent who does not have a child on the spectrum?
No! Parents with a child on the spectrum experience parenting very differently than other parents.
Often it feels disloyal or unloving to talk about the pain, the fear and the sadness that result from our child’s autism. It’s as if admitting the truth about our feelings somehow makes us sound like bad parents.
The Parent’s Secret
If you have a child on the spectrum, you already know the secret, (Click here to read about Walking the Parent Tightrope.) least intuitively, even if you have never admitted it out loud…
Shhhhh…don’t say it too loud or proclaim it in “mixed” company (i.e., mixed with those who don’t have kids on the spectrum) because someone will undoubtedly misinterpret and misjudge your attitude as being non-loving, not supportive, selfish, or just plain wrong!
Only in whispers or behind closed doors with one another can we admit that {parenting a child on the spectrum often hurts – it is difficult, painful, discouraging and very often we are sad — we feel hopeless, alone, and even worse, we know that our children are struggling and hurting and we don’t know how to fix it}.
Our Most Painful Moments
How many times do we experience the rough scenes like these?
Deep In Our Hearts We Miss
And secretly … we miss the experience other parents have like these:
And That’s Normal
If you have a child with ASD, you know what I mean.
We love our children every bit as much as every parent with a child not on the spectrum.
But we also face emotional and functional difficulties (Click here to read Does the Start of Summer Make You Want to Hide Under Your Hat?) about that parents of kids not on the spectrum can’t even imagine!
For some of us, there is a struggle to accept the realities of life with ASD.
These realities may burst our bubble of the happy family we always envisioned we would create. Or of the child who we thought we would help achieve greatness, or simply the dream of seeing our kids grow and enjoy their lives fully.
As a parent of a child with ASD, our dreams are challenged and reshaped.
Some people will find that statement offensive, as if we are not accepting, loving, and supportive of the child we have.
But I think it’s more important that we are honest, at least amongst ourselves about the real sacrifices and challenges we face.
Yes, willingly face because of our love and commitment to our kids as they are, but we face the challenges nonetheless.
“We need to open up the dialog, share more about our experience, and support one another in finding the solutions that work for our family, our emotional state, and most importantly our precious children.“
We Need Each Other
Parents of kids with ASD need each other.
There is a “normal” for us, but it is different than the normal most parents experience.
We need to open up the dialog, share more about our experience, and support one another in finding the solutions that work for our family, our emotional state, and most importantly our precious children. (Click here to read more about the Solutions Made Simple parents training.)
Ask yourself this…
”Do I really have the understanding, guidance and support of others like me?
Or am I trying to piece together a successful life entirely on my own, without support?”
