Awareness Versus Appreciation

In the middle of some very intense work with a couple on stage Tony Robbins said “Appreciation is when suffering stops!” The statement rang so true for me.

This is true in romantic relationships, but it is also true in relation to life with all people, including those on the autism spectrum.

Notice he didn’t say “awareness is when suffering stops.”

Awareness is also a very distant and disengaged perspective from the viewpoint of those of us who live with autism in ourselves or a loved one.

In many ways, it borders on offensive. As if being aware that some of us have struggles with autism in ourselves or our family members somehow makes things better or easier. Sometimes it even feels like autism has become a pity-magnet. (Click here to read more about The Controversial Complexities of Autism.)

The time for awareness is over.

It’s time to move on to a much more powerful and impactful understanding. And that more powerful and impactful understanding is brought about by appreciation. So what exactly is appreciation?

Defining Appreciation

Appreciation means a deeper, more personal and more meaningful understanding of how autism influences the thinking and world view of the person on the spectrum. It gives us a compassionate and accurate understanding that allows us to effectively and respectfully remove roadblocks and barriers to the success of the person on the spectrum.

Their lives of people with autism aren’t easy! But we CAN make their lives easier.

Appreciation is the first step toward true acceptance of this unique and talented group of people.

Appreciation is filled with respect for the individual on the spectrum.

Autism is considered a “social disability,” and as such requires a social solution. It requires much more than just change on the part of the person on the spectrum.

Appreciation sets us up for creating appropriate and effective supports and encourages us to personally offer a little grace to someone on the spectrum who responds differently.

With appreciation we can understand and accept that response for the communication that it is, rather than reacting by trying to force conformity to the norm, or doing therapy to “fix” the “problem.”

Appreciation ensures that we have a clear enough understanding to meet people with autism where they are – or at least an appropriate part way.

As a nation and global community, appreciation opens up a new set of possible responses that can contribute to each individual on the spectrum, giving them the even footing they need to reach their full potential.

This is when the suffering stops for the individual on the spectrum. (Click here to read A Burgeoning National Crisis.)

Shifting Our Focus

When we make the shift from awareness to appreciation, one of the natural consequences is that we make a life-changing leap across the chasm of pain, confusion, worry, fear, shame, blame, anger, upset, argument and other negative emotions.

When parents, siblings, extended families, teachers, schools, professionals, therapists and the general public begin to know and recognize the way autism influences a person’s life and behavior, we will begin to see the understanding that is required before we can effectively support, integrate and appreciate, and even thoroughly enjoy our relationships with those with autism. (For more insights into behavior, read about The Steel Trap Syndrome.)

So, if you are wondering… “How do I upgrade from awareness to appreciation?”

It starts with education – understanding the individual with autism and your reactions to them.

It’s not rocket science.

In fact, it’s not even horribly difficult when you come from appreciation.